5/3/2014: March 2016

Friday, March 25, 2016

Death Takes Us So The New Kids Can Live

I’m always trying to lose weight.

So that the new children in the world have space to live.

Because the less of me there is the more room the world has.

The universe is painted on the palm of my hands and I’m always trying to wash it away.

Soap and water.

And I need to scrub until it all turns cold and closes it’s eyes for the last time.

So there is more room for the new children.

Because they deserve to have space to live.

They deserve to hug their parents.

And to have their first kiss.

And go to their first dance.

And to fall in love with something.

Or someone.

Or everyone.

And they deserve to find their favorite song.

And their favorite movie.

Soap and water.

And then they need to know what it’s like to eat lunch in the bathroom.

Because I still do that all the time and it helps the universe fade.

Because soon their universe needs to die.

So there is more room for the new children.

They need to see their parents cry.

Fading.

They need to feel the pain of falling for someone who feels nothing for you.

Fading.

They need to know what the pressure to be beautiful hurts like.

Fading.

And then they need to scrub.

Soap and water.

Because we need to let the new children feel the universe grow.

That’s one of deaths favorite things about life.

Death loves watching us grow.

Because no matter how ugly and unloved we feel, death loves us and wants us.

He watches us when happiness is leaking out of our hearts and when we are so passionate about something our eyes light up and he smiles because we always look so beautiful to him no matter what our mirrors say.

Death loves watching us love.

Death was never the bad guy. Just a good guy who never learned how to take of his mask.

We need him.

Because at one point we all will be singing to people with no ears and thats when our universe is gone and we have no more room to live.

So we die.

He takes us so he can change the channel and fall in love with the new characters on the screen.

So that the new kids can grow.

Friday, March 18, 2016

I'm Tired Of Being Afraid

When I was 4 I developed a fear of the dark.

The shadows of the night lived in my eyes and when the sun took its break I could feel them brushing against my arms.

The edges of my stone cold bed were the barriers and if I crossed them I would get sucked under.

And the covers were my saviors.

I’m afraid that fear stalks me.

Yesterday when I was talking to the guy who’s laugh lives in my mind and eye’s sit on my heart, I saw him.

He took my words and twisted my tongue so I couldn’t speak.

And I let him.

I always try to run from him but, fear is clever.

He takes my legs.

But, I have never tried flying.

I’m afraid of never being able to fall in love.

I’m afraid of taking chances.

I’m afraid of living in this world and never touching someone else's heart.

I’m afraid of this complicated maze I’m living in.

Turning left.

Turning right.

Running straight.

But, never going up.

Those who have assassinated their fear are the ones who have changed the world.

I can vote because unbelievable woman took fear and drowned it in the ocean.

I can be fully educated because amazing people buried fear alive.

I can call my mom and listen to Beethoven and see Michael Jackson dance with the touch of a button because Steve Jobs took fear skydiving and forgot to give him a parachute.

Fear turns our hearts black.

Our minds cold.

And our fingers numb.

He tells me i’m incapable of singing but I don’t remember the last time my voice didn’t work.

He tells me i’m unable to change the world by myself but Mother Teresa did.

He tells me I’m not good enough but I don’t see a visible line between whats good and whats good enough.

And now I’m sitting here with fear sitting next to me looking over my shoulder to see my writing and I’m scared of what he's going to think.

I’m scared of what everyone thinks.

And I’m trying to find my wings but, it takes more courage then I’m told I have.

I plan to kill him.

But, as for right now I’m just trying to decide how i’m going to kill him.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

They Want Us To Be Robots

They tell us that we're made up of atoms.

Yet, we function like we're made up of wires.

Tired? Just put more oil in.

Sad? Just fix one of your screws.

And now they tell us that positivity will solve it all.

But I don't remember the last time positivity fixed your broken wires and your worn out screws.

Let's take a second and listen for humans in this industry.

Beat.

I can hear them.

And once I can hear them I finally see them and realize we arnt made up of atoms or wires at all.

We are made up souls.

And we laugh.

And cry.

And yell.

And we are unfixable.

Because you can't fix something that's not broken.

We don't break we get lost.

And confused.

And tired.

But we never break.

Because breaking is for machines and we are much more than that.

We are important.

And essential.

And beautiful.

And we forget that when we are sitting at that little desk in that little cubical.

We are more than long nights.

And hard days.

And those days you feel like oil will fix your sleep and screws will fix your sadness just remember that we are all beautifully struggling but no machine can compare to a human being.

We are more than machines.

We are more than robots.

We are gracefully, recklessly, emotionally human.

And that's more beautiful than any robot they could ever build because unlike robots we are

Irreplaceable.