I'm Tired Of Being Afraid

When I was 4 I developed a fear of the dark.

The shadows of the night lived in my eyes and when the sun took its break I could feel them brushing against my arms.

The edges of my stone cold bed were the barriers and if I crossed them I would get sucked under.

And the covers were my saviors.

I’m afraid that fear stalks me.

Yesterday when I was talking to the guy who’s laugh lives in my mind and eye’s sit on my heart, I saw him.

He took my words and twisted my tongue so I couldn’t speak. 

And I let him.

I always try to run from him but, fear is clever.

He takes my legs.

But, I have never tried flying.

I’m afraid of never being able to fall in love.

I’m afraid of taking chances.

I’m afraid of living in this world and never touching someone else's heart.

I’m afraid of this complicated maze I’m living in.

Turning left.

Turning right.

Running straight.

But, never going up.

Those who have assassinated their fear are the ones who have changed the world.

I can vote because unbelievable woman took fear and drowned it in the ocean.

I can be fully educated because amazing people buried fear alive.

I can call my mom and listen to Beethoven and see Michael Jackson dance with the touch of a button because Steve Jobs took fear skydiving and forgot to give him a parachute.

Fear turns our hearts black.

Our minds cold.

And our fingers numb.

He tells me i’m incapable of singing but I don’t remember the last time my voice didn’t work.

He tells me i’m unable to change the world by myself but Mother Teresa did.

He tells me I’m not good enough but I don’t see a visible line between whats good and whats good enough.

And now I’m sitting here with fear sitting next to me looking over my shoulder to see my writing and I’m scared of what he's going to think.

I’m scared of what everyone thinks.

And I’m trying to find my wings but, it takes more courage then I’m told I have.

I plan to kill him.

But, as for right now I’m just trying to decide how i’m going to kill him.